An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. Next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Damn ", says the ant, "one night of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave! "
Monday, August 22, 2011
An eagle is circling
An Eagle is circling at about 5,000 ft. when he spies a field mouse down below him. He dives down and eats the mouse. After a little while the mouse works his way out the eagles butt. Proceeding to look around the mouse says: "Tail gunner to pilot... Tail gunner to pilot.. "The eagle says "what do you want? "The mouse asks how high up they are. The eagle thinks for a moment and then says "ohh about 5,000 ft. "The mouse then replies "You wouldn't be shitting me now, would ya?? "
Purchase a new bird
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird " and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table! "Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf! "Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. "Wow! " said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will! " So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey! " she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird! "The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot! "
A young boy
A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be friendly,asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Nope, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog! "
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him. "But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said sadly. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog! "
"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him. "
"Oh? What was it then? "
"I think it was the spin cycle! "
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Being a great mother-Mother's Day SMS
Being a great mother is a very hard role,
But mother you are the Star for this one I know,
I love you Mom.
Happy Mothers Day!
But mother you are the Star for this one I know,
I love you Mom.
Happy Mothers Day!
