Short Valentine’s Day Jokes

The world celebrates Valentine’s Day to express your deep love and true emotions to your loved ones. This beautiful day has had a great influence on everyone since ages, be it a kid, youngster, or even an old person. People of every genre eagerly wait for this festival to arrive and celebrate it in the most unique way possible. The preparations, or the spirit of Valentine’s Day to be precise, start days before. These are evident from shops and malls bejeweled with Valentine's Day symbols of hearts, flowers, chocolates, cupids, and jewelry. This Valentine's Day, put a trivial change to your conventional celebrations and kick off the day with tummy-tickling laughs instead. Express your love to your beloved with a little flavor of wittiness and humor. Listed here is an assortment of some tickling and funny short Valentine’s Day jokes, quotes, and one liners. Including these jokes would surely tickle the funny bones of your loved ones and give a blithe start to this day of lovers.

Short And Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes
Q: Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?
A: No, but they had an apple.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.
Q: If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?
A: Antelope.
"One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry".
Sales Ad at a Store: 'You are my one and only' valentine cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.
What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine's Day?
I Love Ewe!
What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day?
Cauliflowers!
What did the elephant say to hisgirlfriend?
I love you a ton!"
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?
He fell in love with a pincushion!
Q: What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
A: He gives it a Valenshine!

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Valentine’s Day Mom Jokes

Valentine’s Day is an annual celebration of love and romance commemorated on February 14th. Considered to be the best day of expressing your love towards your loved ones, this day is observed by people of all ages across the world. This love is not centralized only to your companion, girlfriend or boyfriend, but also for other people whom you love and have a special place in your life. And above all, who better than your mother can be that most special and loved person in your life, right? A mother is the one because of who we are into this world and are leading this beautiful life. Yes, we do have a Mother’s Day for moms but we should never miss any opportunity to shower our care and affection towards her. To make your mother’s day a truly treasured one, we bring you some funny and entertaining Valentine’s Day mom jokes. Take a look and enjoy this lovable day with your mom filled with laughs and giggles.

Jokes For Mother On Valentine’s Day

A Mommy Moment
Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?" "Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

Joining the Army
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office.
There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

Do You Pray Before Eating?
The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," Little Johnny replies, "I don't have to, my mom is a good cook!"

Back to school
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved."

Science Lesson
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.
Now it was question time, and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"

Lesson of the day:
A young man called Peter invited his mother for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Peter's flatmate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flatmate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered,
"I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon and I are just flatmates".
About a week later, Simon came to Peter saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure," said Peter, so he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the frying pan from my house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the frying pan, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love Peter.
Several days later, Peter received an e-mail from his mother which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Simon, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Simon, but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the frying pan by now. Love mum x
Lesson of the day: don't ever lie to your mother
(She always, always finds out!!)

Heaven Bound
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

Lights Out
I'd had a pretty hectic day with my four-year-old. When bedtime finally came, I laid down the law: "We're putting on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book. Then it's lights out!"
Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and she said, "We learned in Sunday school about little boys and girls who don't have mommies and daddies."
Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was still grateful to have me. I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes, and then she whispered, "Maybe you could go be THEIR mom?"

A very dirty little fellow
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, "Who am I?" Ready to play the game she said, "I don't know! Who are you?" "WOW!" cried the child. "Mrs. Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn't recognize me!"

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Funny Valentine's Day Jokes

Valentines Day is a day filled with love and romance. Believed to be the perfect day to say those three precious words “I Love You”, everyone takes an extra step to express their feelings to that special one. Observed on 14th February all across the globe, celebrations generally include romantic evenings, proposals, and outings. How about trying something new this Valentine's Day instead of the same traditional ways to make your loved one happy? On this tender day, spread happiness and smiles all over by cracking jokes on Valentine’s Day. Here in the following text, we bring you a rare collection of hilarious, funny, and entertaining jokes. These jokes would surely tickle the funny bones of your love and add a new spice to your romantic celebrations for the day.

Humorous Valentine’s Day Jokes

“Ex” Valentine’s
A man went to the mall this last week to buy Valentine cards for his daughter and mother. The 50 feet displays of hundreds of cards astounded him. He muttered out loud, “I wonder if they have anything for ex-wives.”
The clerk behind the counter said, “Oh, yes sir, they do have an ‘ex’ category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.”
“Really?”
“Yes sir. They’re called darts.”

Meaning Of Dreams
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
Happy Valentine’s Day!

A Thoughtful Valentine's Day Gift
Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.
“Yes”, came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, “I've bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That was very kind of you”, Jim added, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”
Tony smiled as he replied, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”

My One and Only Love
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweler’s shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweler inquired, “Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?”
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, and then answered, “No, instead engrave ‘To my one and only love’.”
The jeweler smiled and said, “Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.”
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, “Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.”

How long have you been married?
When a woman on the staff of the school became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.
“The first ten years are the hardest.”
“How long have you been married?” she asked.
“Ten years”, he replied.

Question and Answers for Valentine’s Day
Q: What did the Valentine card say to the stamp?
A: Stick with me and we'll go places!

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you.

Q: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed', guess who'?
A: A divorce lawyer.

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Sweeter Side of Life
Boyfriend is like a chocolate, “Taste good always”. Girlfriend is like Pizza, Hot n Spicy, “Delicious anytime”. Wife is like the refrigerated leftovers, “Eaten when no choice”. Husband is like a cooled off tea in a cup, “Headache on sip”.

Ring in Wrong Finger
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

A Food Valentine
Cabbage always has a heart;
Green beans string along.
You're such a Tomato,
Will you Peas to me belong?
You've been the Apple of my eye,
You know how much I care;
So Lettuce get together,
We'd make a perfect Pear.

Now, something's sure to Turnip,
To prove you can't be Beet;
So, if you Carrot all for me
Let's let our tulips meet.

Don't Squash my hopes and dreams now,
Bee my Honey, dear;
Or tears will fill Potato's eyes,
While Sweet Corn lends an ear.

I'll Cauliflower shop and say
Your dreams are Parsley mine.
I'll work and share my Celery,
So be my valentine.
Happy Valentines Day!

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Valentine’s Day Jokes

Love is the most inimitable and beautiful emotion in the universe. It, in fact, binds human beings with one another. Be it love for your parents, friends, or spouse, love has always been valued in a significant way. Just like we have a day dedicated to special people in our lives, so do we have one for our sweethearts as well. Yes, here we are talking about the most romantic day of the year - Valentine’s Day! This day of love is celebrated on February 14 yearly. This day is a tribute to the martyrdom of Saint Valentine who sacrificed his life, whilst protecting love, on this day. As such, Valentine’s Day is the best time when you can express your deep love and affection using different creative ideas to make the day memorable and treasured for lifetime embedded deep in out hearts.

Identical to love, humor and laughs too have a special significance in everyone’s life. As they say, a smile can do wonders and it’s highly contagious as well. To get a relief from our monotonous life, we should add that spice of laugh definitely. And of course, the combination of romance and humor is one of the best combos one can expect. And on Valentine’s Day, it would be a heavenly feeling to see your honey smile, all because of you. This section brings you some hilarious and witty jokes on Valentine's Day. Scroll down and reveal your sense of humor on this Valentines Day. All the best and wishing you a very happy Valentine’s Day!

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